Wednesday, June 27, 2007

totally screwed.

messed up. the only words to describe the life i'm going through right now. this mus be the first time, and hopefully the last, that i'm feeling like this. no, it's not a broken heart. no, it's not dead person. it's jus ...

nth i did today, ytd, the day before, the day before of the day before, were right. yes, definitely, i enjoyed my 2-wk break. it was enough i thought. and some things were gone, jus as well. my slp, my always optimistic mindset and my whatever.

i was in this situation before, but nv had i felt this frustrated. maybe it's jus me. this thing had been around for years, we lived on, and on. when things started to look better, it got worst. we're nv freed, always burdened.

problems came rushing in. 1, no, 2 after another. it's not worth of me to even sae 'if'. reality. it's cruel. do i have a choice of my life right now? no. can i do wad i wan right now? no. maybe u wud ask, arent u studying ur first choice course in poly? dint u get satisfactory results? hell yes, but there's more to wad i wan to do at 18. i cant achieve the things i wan to do badly. y? all because of u.

i'd been an optimistic student, looking on the bright side. i mus be in complete darkness. no help, no assistance, no one to talk to, no light, no nothing. empty. perhaps no one could pick me up. i noe i will get thru this, but, how long this suffering will continue? question mark.

an assurance is needed. an answer to this has to be given. i'm not happy.

argh ... screwed.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

is it just me?

good morning. intended to blog last nite after work, but who would have guessed that the internet would be slow.

haha. i'm at a blank right now, dunno wad to write.

haha. okok. i better end this yr before i bore every1 with an unrelated and uninteresting post. slp early, and take care people.

Friday, June 15, 2007

13-15 june's stay

i'm back from the chalet. haha. the 1st one we dint have any alcoholic drinks, and without getting any forms of illness such as sore throat and cough. haha. fun tho, the usual clique, with the rest =D.

Day 1 - queued with shirley for some donuts. THANK YOU SHIRLEY!!! haha, if not, i would have to queue alone for 2.5hrs. afterwards, we met the others at raffles city b4 proceeding to check in. soon after check in, justin, GM, linette n patricia came, followed by willy, den finally joan and wai ling. rented bikes to go night riding, was reluctant but persuaded by shirley. haha. at the very least, i enjoyed myself, so shirley, dun feel guilty anymore. haha. ok, saw some ehem, and was disgusted. lols, it's lyk seeing a hot woman with a manly voice. damn ~

Day 2 - alot of them slept through the morning, so quite wasteful. went for breakfast at MAC with zr, janet and willy, den pooled with wayne, guo jie, willy n justin, n mahjong with guojie, joan and wai ling on the floor b4 the bbq. thx justin for lending me the money first to get the bbq food, will return u the money asap. came back after collecting the food, and played shithead. being a novice in the game and the usual slow me, i was the ultimate shithead. wai ling, dun be happy k, u're half of me, hehe.

BBQ - zr helped us to start the fire as usual, and bbq-ed lots of food for us. haha. minimal bbq dis time, cus shirley wanted to be the satay woman, wahahah, so i simply helped by eating up the food. andy joined us then, cus he had viral infection in the GI tract n was not able to come on Day 1 itself. freesbie, food n craps, nice bbq. then, of cus, a mini shirley's bdae and patricia's belated bdae celebration. hope u all enjoyed the cakes and bdae song ya? n today shirley, u're officially 18, happy bdae =D.

post-BBQ - linette, patricia, willy, justin, GM, janet, janet's sis, andy, joan, wai ling, nadiah n devi ( i dint miss out any did i?) went off after the bbq, so onli zr, wayne, johnny, madeline, nich, fiona, sarah, shirley n i stayed. the usual us. haha. watched incredible tales, played murderer n indian poker, showered and slept at 0030.

Day 3 - woke up, showered, breakfast, and home. haha. brief. no pool dis time b4 we headed home. so ... it ended, jus lyk dis =D.

Ending - happy. satisfied. afterall, it was fun. n yea, even more of these wun be boring for us, cus every chalet, tho quite the same ting, but always enjoyable. perhaps it was the company =D.

BUT !!! now it's time to rush through the reports n revision (dint do enough, knew this from all the quizzes) while trying to recover all the slp loss. haha, den sch starts, sem exams, den SEM BREAK. the chalet trip was enough for a 2-week break, so, shall concentrate on these stuff at the moment alrdy.

bua bua ~ (sarah's new word for vulgarities, nonsensical activities and whatever u can tink of. originated from the fact that she was buttering some sausages. she got addicted to it and wayne's modification to the word brought this new meaning. haha, in this case, means bye bye. haha)

Sunday, June 03, 2007

life

wow, back to blogging. i was inspired by a fren's (rodney) blog's entry recently, which was abt life. wad's life, how shud life be to be perfect, wad one shud do to have a complete life? different views and perspective huh.

today, i tell myself to forget the past, live the moment, and disregard the future. many wud linger on the past, n try too hard to tink abt their future, that the present is not lived to its fullest. so ... wad's life? getting thru ur diploma, get a degree, be employed as a lab technician, build a family, retire at old age, n die peacfully? mundane. i admit dat i'm not an exciting man dat will go bungee jumping, base jumping or swimming with sharks, but dere's more to it.

if there shud be a must-ans qn on 'what's ur perfect life?', i will reply as earning dat lots of money n travel all around the world. to germany to taste the fresh brewed beer; to beijing, china to walk the great wall of china; to italy and try to make the leaning tower of pisa straight agn (duh); to hawaii to enjoy the beach n the sun; to wild africa to pose a pic with a flamingo; to france to have foie gras melt in my mouth; to liverpool, england to watch my favourite football player plays for my favourite football team; to run a marathon in athens, greece; to all over the world. all these, with my life-long companion, or alone. to understand the different cultures and be part of them, that's life.

life, wad's life? if u shud ask me, i will sae life is to follow ur heart. that million dollars will not make u happy, if u werent allowed to take that bottle of beer u love or spend ur time with ur loved ones, unless getting that million dollars is ur life long dream. still, i dispute the idea of earning so much, n not enjoy the thrill of spending them on something u realli realli love. talk abt wad u can bring with u when u die. r u going to bring that million bucks with u to heaven, and flaunt it to the angels? man, dun dream.

perhaps the last ting i wan to do in my dying moments, is to invite my family, my buddies and all my closest frens to a mass steamboat gathering. dat's where all the eating, joking, laughing, spit-flying, oil-spurting, sweating and enjoying moments come. to bring this final moment with me when i die, the final memory others could have of me (ok, u mite dread to see me, but hu cares), i believe that's wad a million dollars cant buy. talk abt life, that's life =D.