Listening Ears & Sincere Advices

The past few days have been a whole lot of frustration, anger, upset and misunderstanding. I know my continuation of this entry might add fuel to an already fierce fire, but I do need a place where I can express my thoughts, though I have now also a superb companion who will sit and listen to all the words I've got to say, without even saying a word, yet the silence is comforting enough.

Briefly, I was caught up in a written war on MSN and taken aback by words from a friend. I had been harsh then, and I won't deny the fact that I have been a complete bastard in dealing with the situation, saying and doing the wrong things, at coincidental wrong times. Being obstinate, I still do feel there are some areas which I have been right, and I will continue to stand by those; I admit too, that I have dealt with certain issues badly, and being not able to view things from other angles before making comments has just seen me lost the trust and respect, if any, that people have for me.

The mix of emotions, both anger and misery, was at its best. For so long, never have I felt so strongly over something. Looking at my reflection at the end of the day, what I saw was someone selfish, not as understanding as I thought I was, and a man so disgusted with himself that he decided to stare into the black spaces that will never give a tinge of his own reflection.

This, though, is not the gist of this entry. After what had happened, I turned to 3 important people in my life, and all gave me support and advices that made me realise how much more I have to learn in life, and how much room I have for improvement and growth.

Mum. Perhaps someone who will keep you by her side, stand by you all the time, support you through and through, when the only time she threw you out was the time she gave birth to you. Perhaps it's her religion, but whenever she sees fit, she'll share buddhist teachings with me, which are valuable to how you react in life. The wonder of it all is, all these times the words she says, are all different. It only makes me feel so small as a person, that it'll take me more than a lifetime to fully comprehend what life is about. Still, despite her being neutral, she still supports me all the time, and I'm thankful to have a mum like her.

Sister. A person who is always frank with me. She helps me look at things differently and also allows me to express myself freely before she gives advices. Academically, I used to be the one assisting her; Emotionally, she's now teaching me how to handle. Her frankness makes me realise just how selfish and stubborn a person I can be. Honestly speaking, without her, I might still be on fire after that incident. Thanks for your straightforwardness, yet so subtly presented. As an elder brother of yours, you've made me feel doubly blessed to have you and mum all these time. Maybe they should have a World's Sister's Day =D.

Finally, you. I know you are not a person who knows how to comfort people with words, but do you know that what you do have made comfort to me, and the best part is when you don't even say anything at all =D. At times like that when all I need was a channel for me to rant and say what I have to say, you would quietly sit and listen until I finished. Your special trip down just to meet me for lunch was so unexpected and that alone lifted the gloom that shadowed my day before you came. I know from that point on, someone else, other than my family members, really cares. Your presence brings me not only comfort, but also assurance. Assurance that you will be by my side through thick and thin no matter what happens. For that, I feel myself loving you more as the day passes. All I have got to say is, thank you for loving me for who I am. I may not have been the best partner, but I promise to love you with all I've got because you're worth it.

This is as far as my vocabulary can bring me. As for the matter, I wish someday the misunderstanding will clear and we are back to normal self again.

And that's all I've got to say.